Place your hand on your stomach. As you breathe in feel your stomach expand and breathe out with an audible sigh. Count down from 10; counting 10 on the out-breath. Again, breathing in & breathing out – counting 9 on the out-breath. Continue counting down on the out-breath 8, 7, and so on until 1. You can also add a very simple de-stressing technique. As you breathe in raise your shoulders to your ears and as you breathe out, allow your shoulders to drop and count down from 10 to 1 on each out-breath.

Do you feel the difference in your body and mind? This exercise is so simple yet, so valuable in diminishing stress and over-reaction because it brings us back into our bodies, our being and our God. Like prayer, just stopping and breathing, rather than following the path of habitual reaction already changes the outcome. Do it often enough and it changes you.

Our being is broadened and deepened when we stretch ourselves to hold our emotions and experiences rather than simply reacting. There is great wisdom in the axiom, “When you are angry count to ten before you speak.” However, if we don’t practice counting and breathing now, in quiet moments, how can we hope to remember this life-changing, soul-stretching principle when we are stressed? People say they don’t have time to meditate but everyone has time for transformative, ten breath countdowns.

Herein, we begin to move from human doings and return to human beings. Too often, we anxiously rush from one thing to another, our mind endlessly listing our worries, what we have to do next, what upsets us about our past and what we fear in the future. Too often, our busy minds even rob us of much-needed sleep.

“Be Still and Know that I am God.”

Stillness is the doorway to God. Each day take some time to just sit and breathe and meditate, be it five minutes or forty-five. Don’t fight thoughts coming in - just let them pass by and return to your breath. Do not get angry with your mind’s litany, “I have to do this and then I have to do that…” Everyone’s mind wanders. The only difference with those who meditate is that they don’t quit in frustration when their mind wanders. They just gently let go of thoughts and come back to their breath, over and over, again.

"Silence is the true friend that never betrays." Confucius

If during meditation, you find yourself in emotional turmoil invite the feelings in for awhile. Observe your feelings and feel the energy but don’t fuel them by thinking about the problem. Let the thoughts go and just sit in the rawness of the feelings. Just acknowledge your feelings without judging them. By making an effort, over and over, to sit with the disturbing, bubbling brew within us we begin to cultivate self acceptance and, as the Buddhists say, lovingkindness toward ourselves.

There are many excellent methods of meditation – please, do not get hung up on this word. It is simply about spending some time with yourself, learning self acceptance and making space for God. It is here we can pray to hear God’s Will for our lives and feel God’s peace and presence. Our busy society has much to learn from the country bumpkin who said, “Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.”

This can be difficult to do in a society that measures success and worthiness according to what you do and own. How many of us are caught within the driven-to-succeed-goal-oriented striving so very applauded by our society? I spent ten years owing and operating retail businesses totally immersed in this drive to succeed.

For ten years, I buried my deep feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness under the façade of looking good and achievement. I discovered that no amount of busyness, expensive toys, big bank accounts, people pleasing, high-gloss image, or even a handsome, successful husband could buy me lasting happiness, peace of mind or self-worth.

We can only gain the things of lasting value within ourselves. Practicing the ten breath countdown frequently, and spending some time everyday simply sitting and being still, helps us to navigate through life with more peace and well-being.

“If you do not know how to keep still in this crazy world, you will be drawn into all kinds of unnecessary trouble. You will lose your view of the Way, and, when you realize it, it will be too late, for in losing the Way, you will have also lost yourself.” Lieh-tzu

Being in the Body

Through being still we begin to hear our bodies’ needs and learn to care for our bodies, now. When we practice stillness, quietly sitting in a chair, or laying on the floor, we start to notice the pain in our neck, shoulders and back. Our body is telling us what our constant striving and tension is doing to us and what we need. Regularly, we ignore our bodies’ needs.

Can you honestly say your body is properly hydrated with 8 glasses of water, nourished with healthy proteins, fruits and vegetables daily, exercised regularly, and has adequate rest? Is it any wonder we do not treat our bodies very well when you consider how most people view their bodies? I saw the truth of this when I was in the fashion business and owned two women’s retail stores. Almost every woman, even so-called perfectly proportioned models, would bemoan the shape of her body.

I’ve also seen many men mistreat their bodies by forcing themselves to stay in brutal jobs until their bodies broke down. I understand the pressure of having to support a family and make a living. Yet, what good is making a living if it kills us?

Few of us can look at our bodies in a mirror and affirm our bodies are O.K. just as they are. We are so hard on ourselves. This reveals the depth of our hurt and our deep need to practice compassion for ourselves. This hurt is not our fault. Our society has very cruel standards which maintain we, particularly women, must always be slim, young and beautiful to have value.

Being Comfortable with Who We Are

Three years ago, I struggled to keep my worth as I made the decision to stop dying my hair. I’m not suggesting this is for everyone - but why not if you want to? I was sick of being held hostage every six weeks to grey roots, chemicals soaking my scalp, dark stains along my hairline, and fumes in my eyes and lungs. Also, I resented societal values insinuating an aging grey-haired woman is no longer beautiful, vital, sexual and of worth.

Yet, to be honest, I don’t know if I would have had the courage to go grey without my beloved partner and young son supporting me and loving me regardless of my greying hair. This was an especially trying transition for me as I had owned fashion stores, been an image consultant and a fashion columnist for ten years.

I had to come to terms with my fears of losing my man to a younger, prettier woman; of losing my professional status in my career; and of feeling old, ugly, sexless and worthless if I allowed my grey to show. It’s interesting - I had to dig to the depths of my roots in order to grow-out my roots. Now, having experienced grey hair for three years, I can say it is incredibly freeing to be comfortable with who I am, as I am.

It can be an unnerving, shocking journey dumping our societies’ shallow values, and coming to accept our bodies as they are: grey hair, no hair, overweight, wrinkles and all. The great news is we can rise above societal beliefs and find our own intrinsic worth, beauty, vitality and sexuality. We begin by practicing being still in our body, caring for our body, and seeing our critical thoughts as just thoughts and letting them go. In summary:

B = Breathing Being

*Transformative Ten Breath Countdown: Everyone has time to count down ten times as they breathe in and breathe out.

*“Be still and know that I am God.” Stillness is the doorway to God.

*Being in the Body: Through being still we begin to hear our bodies’ needs and learn to care for our bodies, now.

Read on for the next step in these spiritual ABC’s...

C = Cultivate Compassion