Welcome to our free newsletter, "Yourlifework Guide," offering tips and inspirations to help you find more meaning in your in life and work.

Begin within: follow your inner guidance, do less and be more, and live life with more acceptance and peace.

Issue #009 February 24, 2005

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1. Don’t Lose Your Mind

2. Be a Coach

3. Coaching Caution

***All names and circumstances of my clients have been changed to protect their privacy although the content of their story is true.

My small still voice often speaks to me in cryptic one-liners. At times, when I am feeling internal pressure I will hear the quiet reminder, “You’ve lost your mind.”

No, this is not the harsh voice of the taskmaster beating on me. On the contrary, this humorous nudge is a sweet yet, powerful reminder that I am trying too hard to fulfill other’s expectations or solve their problems.

This reminder of “Don’t lose your mind,” harkens back to an article I read by Management Consultant, Barry Oshry.

This article refers to Middle Managers who begin their careers as perfectly healthy individuals but in time become confused, weak, powerless and self-doubting as they slide into the ‘Middle Space’ becoming torn between demands from the people Above and Below.

Although written for middle managers it easy to see how people in career transitions, familial roles, teachers, and coaches can fall into a similar trap and feel torn and immobilized.

Barry Oshry offers a couple of pertinent strategies to help us with this pressure.

Firstly, “don’t slide into the middle of their issues and conflicts and make them your own. At all times be clear that this is not your problem.”

The second strategy is, “Do not lose your mind. The ‘Middle Space’ is an easy place to lose your mind – your view, your thought, your perspective on what needs to happen.” Oshry goes on to tell us when we are torn our attention is on what other people think, want,and what will satisfy them.

If you find yourself trying too hard, feeling overwhelmed, under a ton of pressure possibly you may have lost your mind!

You may be trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to fulfil other people’s needs and expectations.

This is our cue to stop and reformulate our own view, thoughts and perspectives on what is happening and what we need. We can let go of the guilt and self-doubt we feel in trying to meet other’s expectations or in trying to solve their problems.

Certainly, as managers, leaders, family members and humans we have a responsibility to listen and empathize with those in our close circle but it is not our job to solve their problems or fulfill their expectations… which is all a part of the coaching process.

Another thing we can do for ourselves and others is be a coach. We can let people know we care about their condition and that we are willing to work with them to empower them to solve their own problem.

For those of you wanting a career change but feeling uncertain of your direction ask a good friend to be your coach (not everyone can afford to hire a coach). Pick a friend who is a caring, good listener. Have them ask you some simple questions:

“What would you like to do? What really excites you? Which careers keep coming back to your mind? Of all the careers you’ve seen people doing in the world or on TV which ones appeal to you the most? If you could have a magic wand and try any career in the world for one year which would it be?”

Everyone has some motivation and some interest. Too often it has been buried under years of feeling inadequate and fears of not making it.

Sometimes just having a listening, caring ear can help us ignite old dreams. Of course, then we must look at, and move through what is stopping us from doing it. On the surface career change seems so simple as Richard Bolles succinctly summarizes: 1-2-3 career counseling!

1. What do you want to do?

2. What is stopping you from doing it?

3. What are you doing about it?

A small word of caution if you are thinking about coaching a family member who needs a job. Don’t!

At least, don’t unless you truly can do so without any underlying personal motive. Years, ago, when my husband was unemployed we discovered time and time again I could not “coach” him because I had too much of my own agenda entangled (and yes, some resentments). What a tough time for the two of us.

There I was, supposedly some kind of Career Queen (!) sliding into the poisonous (but-oh-so-human) depths of “Hasn’t he been unemployed long enough and isn’t this supposed to be a partnership?”

Again, that little cryptic voice startled me awake at 3:00 a.m. with, “What are you doing?” Then I saw how I was putting pressure on my husband to fulfill my expectations.

I decided to take a trip to Vancouver to get some more certification so as I could do more workshops and create more income.

As God would have it, as I changed so did my husband. He then was able to make moves he needed to make more easily. So, I would encourage you to practice the principles of coaching to help at work, within the family or during career transitions as long as you don’t lose your mind! I would love to hear from you!

Please email me feedback, thoughts, concerns, insights you have about this e-zine, our site or your lifework journey to Teresa. I would like to help you on your lifework journey!

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This way you can get a better feel for who I am and what I have to offer you. From here you can decide if you would like further guidance from me or not – with no obligation.

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Remember: Be gentle with yourself. Listen to your guidance. Navigate through life and work with more peace and acceptance.

So, my friend, thank your for your time. I hope you enjoyed this e-zine and found it useful. I look forward to hearing from you. So, until next month’s issue…

Warmest regards,

Teresa