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Your Lifework Guide, Adults Need to Lead #021
February 01, 2006
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Editor and Publisher: Teresa Proudlove Issue #021 January 31, 2006

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These 700 words will take you about two and a half minutes to read. Read on for great reminders of why we need to be leaders in own lives.

Table of ContentsTable of Contents

1. Adults Need to Lead

2. The Darkly Coloured Glass

3. Recalling Our Greatness

Adults Lead the Way

Once again it was a very emotional weekend in Vancouver watching our junior boys’ basketball team compete. At the season’s beginning our boys had played seventeen games undefeated but had become rattled since their first loss. It was tough watching these strong, talented athletes suffer when they didn’t play well.

Witnessing our boys emotionally sink when they lost games they were talented enough to win was tough. Even more disturbing was the banter between adults about them “always” losing in the first quarter, about our boys being the “worst” losers, and talk of their bad attitudes (like they displayed in past volleyball provincials), etc.. Don’t get me wrong – we are a great group of caring parents.

It is so obvious now, we were doing the exact thing we were criticizing our boys for – sinking and spiraling into negative thinking. Certainly, our boys needed to know how their thoughts and attitude affected everything but clearly; focusing on their faults would not rebuild eroded confidence.

We expect our children to hold steady in the face of adversity and humiliation yet often that is not what we model. How often is our keen disappointment over our kid's "poor" attitude about our own feelings of public embarrassment? Isn’t it up to us – the adults – to lead the way? Aren’t we supposed to be the ones with the wider vision, greater consciousness, and encouraging words?

The Darkly Coloured Glass

Not only is it our lifework to encourage our children through their losses and trials but also, to role model healthy responses to the losses and trials in our own lives. Just recently I met a fellow in the midst of a difficult career transition who had participated in my one week program. He was now sinking and spiraling into negative, criticism toward himself and his “performance.” Sounds like the “bad attitude” we chastise our kids for.

He spoke of how he couldn’t get anything going, how there were no jobs, how upset his wife was with him, and how he needed a kick in the butt. Whew – how draining. Here was a talented man who had suffered some tough losses and could only see himself through the darkly coloured glass. Sometimes it is easier to see how our kids need to shift their attitude and thinking but much trickier to apply that to our own lives.

To his further detriment this man discredited all the actions he’d been taking toward career change. He had been applying for many jobs and not getting them because of his injury. Yes, it IS difficult not working when one has a family however, the other side of this coin is the man is building a case for himself why he must retrain (and he is eligible for retraining dollars).

I suggested he begin inquiring into some new career ideas I knew he was interested in. He had indeed already begun some research but discounted these positive steps – they weren’t bringing in the money. Instead of applauding the courage of his hard-won recovery and step-by-step work toward career change he felt he needed a kick.

Recalling Our Greatness

How can anyone build the necessary self confidence to career change from this hurtful place? Can we instead focus on the great talent and skill it took to get seventeen wins straight; to survive a near fatal accident; hold a career for decades; raise a fine family; create a good home; put together a marriage…? Can we instead make an effort to recall our love and greatness?

Downward thinking is the path of least resistance… we can coast down that slippery slope. If we want to become our God-given best we must make the effort to climb from that hole and then, next time side-step it altogether. We need to learn to reach deeply within ourselves for our strength and clarity that is always there for us. As we rally, pull ourselves up, put one foot in front of the other, and strive to believe in our best; we set a new course for ourselves, our children - and indeed – the rest of the world.

So my friends, lead the way! I look forward to hearing from you. Until next month, warmest regards,
Teresa

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