The weary weight my husband and I carried since my father’s death was lifted from our hearts for a blessed while during an afternoon swim in the cool, green beauty of the Similkameen River. Just like that Negro gospel song, “Gonna lay down my burdens, down by the riverside, down by the riverside, down by the riverside…” my husband and I found healing and rejuvenation (if even for a short while) in those endlessly flowing waters.

Afraid to venture into the strong, main current we swam downstream close to the shore in what we discovered was a back eddy. We’d swim downstream then ‘let go’ and the back current - eddying along the shoreline - would carry us back to the very spot we started from. How was I to know this blessed river experience would become a healing metaphor for my life?

All too soon, my husband and I returned home from our two night Similkameen get-away to the concerns, problems, and to-dos pressuring us concerning our teenager. Two weeks past his course registration date with classes being waitlisted we continued to hit walls every time our son talked to us or to advisors. I let go a thousand times and picked up the problems again and again.

I know. I know. I sound like an obsessive mother. Still, haven’t you ever got caught up pushing something or someone (especially when facing deadlines) thinking you’ll ‘let go’ when it’s done? No deal. It doesn’t work that way… at least not in my life. Every time I grab the reigns and figure it’s up to me to find the answer, solve the problem, get it handled now (you know, control stuff) I spin into a hard, tight place.

One day during my morning meditation I said to God, “Ok, God, I know this is not working. I’ve prayed to let go, to surrender, and even wrote You a petition to relieve me from my burdens (really, I did). Tell me, what do I need to know to come to peace with all of this?” That is when I had the image of the ‘River of Life” one more time. Let me backtrack a moment.

Awhile ago I flashed on an image of life carrying us in tiny little boats upon a massive, mighty river. (I take these ‘flashes’ very seriously as I know they are one of the many ways my God speaks to me). Oh, we think we are in charge: some folks paddling madly, others in grandiose ships, others busy flailing fishing lines, all-the-while, each of us inexorably pulled toward our final destiny.

Anyway, in this morning’s meditative flash I am madly paddling my little boat down the massive, mother river. She is miles wide and continents long. While paddling madly, I am chanting the ‘Hurry! Worry!’ mantra: “I gotta get this done. I gotta get going.” Row. Row. Row. Nearing the shore my boat hits a little back eddy and with the extra speed I have poured on through panicked rowing, my bow is whirled into this back eddy.

Now I am carried back upstream to the very spot I began rowing from that day. Herein, I repeat my mad paddling down the main current until again I shoot my little boat into the back eddy and return to my starting point. “I gotta get this done.” Hurry! Worry! Row! Row! It is back breaking work to be sure. Coincidentally, my back felt broken after hours of timetabling university courses on the computer the day before (with marginal help but huge thanks from our son).

Still within my meditative image my small, still voice whispers, “Go with the flow.” So, this time, as my little boat pops out of the back eddy and once again I’m back at my starting place, I lay my paddle down. I go with the flow and sense, "So this is what rest in God,” means. As my little boat drifts downstream and then into the same back eddy – but this time without the momentum of my mad paddling - it hovers and stalls in the back ripple. I hear, “Paddle.” Gently I stroke the water on one side and my bow noses its way back into the main current avoiding the back breaking loop.

I return to drifting peacefully upon the mighty mother. No surprise, a day after this image - and practicing when to paddle and when to flow – everything came together in amazing ways far beyond my control.

So, my friend, my question to you this week is, ‘Is there a place in your life where you need to lay down the paddle?’ The anxious, worried, forceful, mad paddling will break you. Go with the flow, listen, and trust you’ll know when the right action is needed. Until next month…

Blessings to you all,

Create the Life and Work You Love!

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