#1. Being "Realistic" Far Too Soon!
#2. Listening to Uniformed Advice and/or Negative Criticism
#3. Staying Confused, Lost, Overwhelmed, Frustrated, Discouraged
#4. Not Enough Information or Exploration
#5. Thinking an Idea has to be New/Unique
#6. Not Seeing the Obvious
#7. Lacking Ideas and Staying Power
#8. Focusing on Failure
#9. Too Much Doing

After deeply pondering why many people grow wings and fly in my workshops while a few seem to mire in confusion and discouragement, I decided to write about "The Things That Get in the Way of Creating the Work You Love." The first and very prevalent hurdle to making dreams come true was taught to me at a very early age.

Back in my high school days, as my interest in school-work sharply declined - with my marks following - I was called into the student counselor's office. Trying to explain my disinterest in school with examples of mind-numbing, clone-creating classes only elicited an exasperated query from the counselor of, "Yes but, what do you want to BE when you grow up?"

I told him I didn't know what I wanted to be but I did know I wanted to world travel. I'll never forget his response… "Oh, be realistic! We all have those idle dreams." Thankfully, I've never taken advice well and have world traveled thirty-five different countries. If I would have taken his advice I may have lived my life with regret over unlived dream.

There is a time for being realistic but NOT when a person is in the dream-seeking stage. "I have to be realistic: I am too old, don't have the education/experience/money; someone else is already doing that..." kills unborn dreams. Instead, when dreams bubble up – regardless of how outlandish they may seem - nourish them: write them in a dream journal, share them with supportive people, and follow where they lead. At least then, you can live your life without regrets of dreams unexplored.

Along with being realistic far too soon, another dream killer is…

The advice of my school counselor may have seemed well-informed but never-the-less, could have snuffed my great dream. In the words of the great Sufi poet, Rumi: "When setting out on a journey do not consult someone who has never left home."

I can't tell you how many times I have heard workshop participants say something cannot be done because their next door neighbour's uncle (brother/friend) tried it and failed. When I query, "Did he have all the necessary factors in place ie location, money, product, service, niche, timing, etc? Did he have the passion, personality, intelligence, skills, etc… necessary?" No one knows – a case of uninformed advice nearly derailing a dream.

Then, there are the out-and-out dream killers who cite why you personally cannot succeed. These perhaps are the most murderous words for fledging dreams – as the personal criticism erodes one's courage. Negative criticism is often driven by fear and we must not share our dreams with these naysayers – even if they are family members. Instead, find supportive people to share with, and help build one another's dreams.

Attempting to change our work and create something new invites a host of feelings everyone feels from time to time. However, staying confused, lost, overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged is a dream killer. Why do some people seem to cycle round and round here?

Perhaps they expect the answers to be given to them by others: the consultant/coach/counselor, other people, or the self-assessment tools/creative exercises. Outside sources may give us ideas but only we can define what we love to do and what really turns us on. Self exploration can only be done by oneself! Self exploration exercises are pointless unless we then, deeply ponder our answers, our life, for clues into our passions.

Also, we must be willing to start the exploration research process BEFORE we know where we are going. People who stay stuck in confusion and discouragement are people who say they don't know what they want to do and therefore cannot start exploring and researching. (Can’t start until I know; can’t know until you start!) In effect, they want to know the answer without seeking it. Remember it is, "Seek and Ye Shall Find," not reversed.

So the way out of the confusion conundrum is to begin seeking. Explore. Explore. Explore. Which leads us to…

This sticky place often comes with the lines, "Oh, I could never do that," "I don't know what I want to do," and/or "I am lost and confused." Knowledgeable, correct information and exploring one's interests, passions and hunches is the way to move beyond the first four dream killers! Our dreams will not be revealed without exploring and researching.

Begin researching - discover who is doing what you are interested in doing. Google "How to be a business consultant, world-class chef, or…;" investigate professional organizations, the phone book, business magazines, bookstores, libraries. Read interviews with people who have very successful, interesting careers on www.roadtripnation.com. for ideas.

Talk to people making a living doing what you are interested in. Can you apprentice, volunteer, collaborate, job-shadow, hang-out with them? If someone is doing it – then it’s possible you can too! Barbara Winter reminded me of another way people short-circuit their dreams…

Have you ever had a great idea and then thought, "Oh, I can't do that – someone else is already doing it"? Great! If you've found someone already doing it then you know it's possible and, you can follow their expertise! Also, most certainly the way you do it will be different from their way because they are not you.

It is your skills, talents, passion, life experience, personality, intelligence, intuition – indeed your God within – that will make you an expert in your own right. There will be a certain percentage of the population who will resonate with you and how you perform your business over the way other people may do it.

Your idea does not have to be totally new and unique because YOU are. As you spend time developing your idea – the stronger your own voice will become.

Often the thing we love to do, and accordingly do exceedingly well, is the very thing we do not see. It comes so easily, so naturally that people not only fail to see their own gift but cannot imagine people would pay money for something "so easy to do."

Like a participant in one of my workshops - who admired the dynamic, guest speaker I'd brought in to share her success story. My participant wished to be 'just like' this consultant and yet, couldn't see/believe how she too, was gifted with a remarkable presence – how she too was a naturally bright, inspiring, articulate leader (evident to the rest of us!)

Most of us need to work on acknowledging our own assets, talents, strengths, brilliance! If you can't quite believe in your giftedness/readiness – perhaps more education, a certificate, or more experience is needed to build your confidence. Often though, I see people truly have what they need already and they just need to start taking small steps. Never are we totally ready to start a new venture! As taught within every wise childhood tale, it is the journey which builds the hero’s strength.

Transitioning into work we’d love to do cannot happen alone. No matter how motivated or rugged we are – at some point everyone has to bring someone into their dream (even if it is the customer). Support and brainstorming for ideas is key for most people to birth the dream. Whether we call them dream teams (Barbara Sher, “Wish Craft”) or master mind groups this is a proven way of making dreams happen.

Gather like minded people wanting to make changes in their life/work who’ll commit to regular meetings (weekly/bi-weekly), one to two hours long. Keep the meeting to the allotted length of time and on task (visit afterward if desired). Two main tasks need to be achieved each meeting for people to keep coming back. First, each person takes a turn stating their “dream and obstacle” followed by the group brainstorming for ideas to overcome that obstacle for a set time of 5 or 10 minutes (have a timer).

For those who don’t know their dream yet, they might say, “Here’s what I love to do – any ideas?” If they say they love flowers for example you need more info to help them. Keep asking questions, “What do you love about that? What else?” Suggest ways they can further explore their interests. Pay attention to the passion factor: when you hear music in their voice; their body animates, straightens; or their eyes light from within…

The second task to be undertaken at the meeting’s close is: each person reads aloud their next steps (using the ideas brainstormed for them) which they’re committed to completing by next meeting. The next dream team meeting begins with each person briefly reporting on the success of these completed steps (or not). Then, again, each person states their dream and obstacle (as new problems will arise). Again, that is followed by the group brainstorming for ideas for each person within a set time limit.

This is a very dynamic, motivating process (no one wants to admit they did nothing – so they get it done!) Plus, people so genuinely want to help one another you feel well supported and heard fulfilling a basic human need! And what seemed like an impossible hurdle is changed with fresh input.

“What if I can’t raise the money?” “What if I try to start my own business and I fail?” “What if I lose everything?” “What will THEY think?” How long can we live with these thoughts constantly draining us? A lifetime? At what cost? Assuming we have used common sense, made some plans to take care of our survival, we would have more energy, fun and goodness in life if we focused on what is possible.

A while back my husband and I changed our fearful “What if we can’t afford a larger, rural home in this market,” to “What if we could afford a larger, rural home?” This simple rephrasing is so freeing. So, instead ask: “What if I started my own business; What if I followed my dream; What if I were a huge success…? Also, ask and ponder, “What if I don’t follow my heart?” Then, what…

After saying you need to get support and information; to seek other people’s expertise; to get out there and take next steps this may sound like a contradiction. From my own journey, I found the single most important factor in reclaiming my passion and my gifts came about from time spent alone. Too much doing splits us from our soul and our truth. Being is the way back… sitting, breathing, pondering, journaling, letting go, asking important questions of the soul.

As Dawna Markova, author of “I Will Not Die an Unlived Life,” reminded me “What questions do you ask of your soul as you begin/close each day?” Listening to my first question upon arising I heard, “What do I have to do?” This punishing query repeated throughout the day had me hurrying to finish one thing so I could get onto the next; living most of my day – my precious life - with a feeling of angst.

When I changed that question to, “What do I know about my passion but have not yet expressed,” I received a surprising yet, oh so clear truth. What question do you need to ask of your soul? Are you willing to quietly sit, being, listening, trusting?

So my friends, first and foremost, begin by taking deliberate time to be alone each day. Take breaks from the incessant information calling you away from your own deepest knowing and truth.

Nurture yourself and your soul, and you’ll nurture your dreams.

“you suppose you are the trouble
but you are the cure
you suppose that you are the lock on the door
but you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.” - Rumi

"One doesn't discover new lands without first consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." - Andre Gide, Fr. novelist

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.” ~ Carl Jung