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I am a really difficult case. Perhaps too far gone to help. In the 1990's I was the manager of a Canadian jazz band. I poured everything into it for 7 years. I was then abruptly fired in 1999. Since then I have dabbled.
I tried sales but wasn’t into it. Got depressed for it seems like years, became a very good photographer and even had my work up in a restaurant this past November. I work as a temp with Rev Can but the list to full-time is long. I have a wife and 3 kids and am now exhausted trying to find work.
My fear is I'll lose everything soon if I can't start making money. I am lacking confidence about my abilities and feeling somewhat numb about it all. Is this something you have seen before? Ed
Hi Ed;
Know that you are not alone. I have met many people who have felt afraid, exhausted, lacking confidence and numb in their struggle to find work (myself included at times). These feelings are normal although not easy to bear. Where the problem escalates is if you cannot find a way out of these emotions over time.
Sounds like you are in quite deep angst and have suffered for many years. No one is ever too far gone for help if they are willing to reach out. And you are or you wouldn't have written me. However, I would recommend you reach out to other professionals besides me as I believe you need more than I can alone offer.
I would suggest you visit your family doctor and spell everything out in detail just to rule out physical problems especially as you mention exhaustion and depression. Also, ask yourself: What can you do for yourself in these difficult emotions and states? Here are a few actions that work for me.
I closely observe what I am saying to myself. I know if I let "story-lines" run in my head unchecked about what a loser I am, how awful I feel, how bad my life is, etc... I am diving into dark mire. Feel the feeling but don't fuel them with endless thinking. Taking deep breaths helps move fear.
I write three pages in my journal first thing every morning - my morning pages. I write whatever is on my mind or heart. I listen for God there too. This seems to help me see the truth of myself and my life and rebalance myself. (Julia Cameron, author of The Artists Way, says you do not have to be a writer to do this. Just write and trust the process.
For example you said, "My fear is I'll lose everything soon if I can't start making money." Yet, you also said you were working as a temp - had worked in the past - so you ARE and HAVE made money. Our thinking can paint all or nothing scenarios which erode and pull us down. Our minds can make up all kinds of crazy, fearful stuff that just isn't true or based on very little truth.
I walk 20 minutes everyday, and/or go out to nature. This also helps me stay mentally and emotionally sound. (Take your camera). I look for the good in my life. I look for God working in my life. I try to live my life as though each and every moment really mattered. I read inspiring books.
Perhaps, look for an employment agency in your city to help you find more part time work. Talk to good friends. Keep taking your pictures! Get support. Keep reaching out, Ed.
Blessings to you,
Teresa
www.yourlifework.com
Fostering Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life.
Feeling Lost?
I am 43 yrs. old, wife, mother of 3 grown children and 1 grandson. I stayed home to raise and home school my children through all their school years. Now I am an empty-nester and I am having a very hard time finding my calling and what to do with it when I do find it.
I have been searching for my purpose in life all of my life and I do know the Lord very personally. I have been seeking Him concerning this issue for years and I still can't find it. I need help. Jane
Dear Jane;
I believe you HAVE been living your life on purpose. Raising three children and now having a grandson is huge lifework. The biggest we can do, really. Many, of us lose sight of the heroic purposeful work we do everyday. This is what really counts.
We don't have to 'find' our life purpose. By fully accepting our life now, valuing and appreciating who we are and what we have then, we feel purposeful. If we aspire to be the best human being we can in every moment, in every action... we are living life on purpose.
Whereas, when we chastise ourselves: thinking we haven't found our calling, our purpose, or aren't doing what we are supposed to be doing with our lives; we hurt ourselves - even lose ourselves. This cycle can cause a lifetime of unhappiness and loss of self esteem. So much in our society fuels this discontent.
If now you are an empty-nester and want to contribute more; Ask, "Who else can I help?" You'll be shown. Volunteering is a great way to start and to give.
Also, pay attention to what you pay attention to. What do you love to talk about with friends more than anything? What interests have you had that have stood the test of time and been with you all your life? Make lists of things you love to do. Through this we also get clearer on what our special gifts are - as we discover things we love to do.
Most importantly, trust that you DO know what you would love to be doing… that you can continue to find meaningful ways to express your talents. You say you know God. Then, you know God is always answering our prayers (maybe not how we expect or in our timing.) When you hear yourself saying, “I can’t find my purpose, I don’t know my calling,” know this is not the truth.
This is the part within us that is afraid to know because if we know and follow our calling our lives will change. All of us are afraid of change. When you hear the nay-saying in your mind acknowledge this fearful side and then affirm, “I fully open myself to hearing and following God’s Guidance in my life daily.”
Journal daily. Write fleeting insights or hunches about what you love to do. Journal all the myriad of ways God speaks to you. Above all be gentle with your precious, beautiful Self. Trust you are living your life on purpose and more will be revealed to you.
Kind regards,
Teresa Proudlove
www.yourlifework.com
Fostering Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life.
