Passionate About Being a Proud Mom

by Barbarie
(Lakewood, WA)

I have grown really fond of Teresa's Site. The title of this site and the work that Teresa shares with us here so openly is a breath of fresh air and for me a sense of "rightness" (Not sure if this makes sense or is the right word I want to use here.)

Over the last couple months as I have been working with Teresa and sharing my journey with her and allowing her to speak into my heart and soul and spirit, I feel a sense of "rightness".

Deeply I have become very aware and in tune with my God-ness and continuously unwrapping the gifts God has instilled in me as a Single Mom. My Daughter is a teenager now. Let me briefly take you back to when I realized I was going to be a Mother.

16 years ago I was well on my journey as an Active Duty Soldier that had a passion. I was delighted to follow my Father's footsteps into the military life. You see my Father passed away when I was just three years old. I have no memories of him and my mother had given us up for adoption after his sudden unexpected death.

All that transpired over the years after his death my life's journey was anything but solid, concrete, or passion driven. I was at a place of constantly searching for years and years for answers about what went wrong and answers to that gnawing "Why Me?" question. It was very challenging finding suitable answers to my inner heart's cry and plea for understanding.

In the mist of it all I managed to stay somewhat sane through the insane journey - as it was a blow after blow after blow of the unanswerable question "What is it about me?" It took me a long time and lot of years to understand that it was not really about me, but about the woundedness of fill-in, adult parents in my life that were anything but loving or kind or passionate or understanding.

Honestly I would deeply share that my first 21 years of life were a BLUR. All I could manage was to somehow be determined to succeed in the best possible way. I felt like a failure, I felt unloved, I felt alone always. As I was reading the article Teresa shared about raising a teen I could so deeply relate. So my mind set was to somehow love my inner being and who I was even though nobody else really cared..

There have been several years sporadically I wondered and heard my Inner Being asking what is my life’s passion and direction? Which Direction is God Leading me, what is it that He wants me to be doing? As I settled into patience and waiting upon the Lord here is what transpired …

God knew that serving my country following my father's footsteps would offer me a deep sense of connection with my father who I have no memories of. Serving allowed me through God's grace to feel worthy of who I am.

It is a God thing - that after the gang rape while I was in the military - I was able to give birth and raise my daughter. I did it in the best way I could knowing that through spirit God has been with me every step of the way...helping me be a Mother and raise a child in a healthy way I didn't know I could do. Yet here I am praising God today, knowing this was His will for my life and in the mist of my uncertainty and unbelief … ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE in JESUS.

There is no greater feeling or sense of being knowing that Jesus is with me through all situations and circumstances and that yes, there is still work that He has for me to do in sharing the hope and possibility of love to come through even through horrific situations and experiences..

Thank You Teresa for the prompting to share. My prayer is this will be an inspiration to some of your other readers here on the site. God wants me to share my journey and NOT be ASHAMED for He is rejoicing over me.

Be Blessed
Barbarie