Your Lifework Questions and Teresa's Answers
These are true stories and concerns written to us from our readers - with names and details changed to protect their privacy.
Warmest regards,
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I am desiring to find my lifework. I’d appreciate your advice on getting a roadmap charted…or at least a good starting point. What career is right for me? What experience “should” I go for next? I was in your CAP program a short while ago and gleaned many pearls. I am glad to have met you and the participants. It was a very rewarding and emotionally charged experience because the merry-go-round stopped and I was able to see my breath in a mirror, and realize I was still alive with dreams and power. I must tell you when you closed with Nelson Mandela's words had I not been so choked up I would have leapt on the table and sang at the top of my soul "This little light of mine I'm going to let it shine!" As it is, I am singing more these days, and smile when this song comes out of my mouth unbidden. I think of you. My dreams are intact but because there are pressing concerns in our lives I'm taking the scenic route towards the big dreams and valuing the myriad of "mundane" accomplishments as I plug along. I got a "good job." I am working at a place that makes RV's close to where we live. It was my first week. I work Monday to Wednesdays in the cabinet shop making face frames for fridges, cabinets, and closets. I am feeling powerful on so many fronts: - I am providing for my daughter and myself, and the hours are conducive to being a single mom, - The starting wage will parlay to a living wage with time. - There are benefits and my daughter will need braces. - I am finally going to get off welfare. I can honor Welfare while not wanting to be on it. - I am becoming adept at using power tools. - I like working with wood. I am doing a good job and taking pride. - There are 200 people working at this plant. I'm proud to be one of the 5 women in the sea of men heading off to the manufacturing plant. - There are many departments in this plant, with internal postings of jobs and company sponsored training programs. I may stay doing carpentry and sign up for training like first aid tickets, use this opportunity to become more employable, and be ready to assume more responsibility if the opportunity arises. I may decide to learn lots in the cabinet shop, take a couple of design and auto-cad courses on my own and apply for any openings in the design department. When the time is right I may say thanks to this plant and be off to be the all-knowing benevolent mistress of the universe and beyond - to what I’ve always have been and will be, forever more. My ex-husband and I are selling the farm, and it is imperative I have a job so I can get a credit rating and a down payment on a home. I can't afford to continue paying rent and I want to own a place to truly hang our hats. This is a big dream of mine that I'm consciously and corporeally making come true. There are days when I wish I could be in art school but I've chosen to be creative in other ways, with my life as the canvas, and this counts too. So to close this epic missive, thank you Teresa Proudlove for all that you do, for being a shiny kindred spirit in person and in the ether of the internet. Do keep in touch and I will too Love, Lisa PS I think I'm on the right path. Thank you for being the crone at the crossroads.
Hi Bruce; Thanks for reaching out and sending in your query. The emotional tone within your short note is unsettling. It appears you are in a very difficult place and have been so,for a long time. The terms you used of being "lost, adrift, forced retirement, NO internal motivation or direction" (and over seven years) are so huge and absolute. It seems the light - the hope is near extinguished. In response to your asking, "Where do I start?" I encourage you to find support in your life beyond what you may have in place now. I say this because some people can become dangerously isolated in this place of melancholy and futility. Who else could you turn to (clergy, counsellors, family doctor, true friend… )? Of course, ultimately the change must come from within you. No doubt you are approaching a time of deep change in your life. You said you were lost without a boss. Likely, this is a time for you to find your own inner boss. Call this your Authentic Self, Higher Power or God - we all have this innate Inner Authority that is our one true "boss" or guide in this life. Without seeking, acknowledging and believing in this God our lives become rudderless – and we are blown about by the external world. We return to this inner authority by sitting quietly with ourselves for a certain time, daily. Day in and day out, we patiently do our best to simply listen to ourselves breathing in and breathing out. We practice observing and letting go of the stories we tell ourselves (about why our lives, ourselves, our world is messed up.) With great gentleness we realize this is what it is to be achingly human. We slowly begin to accept where we are - even the lack of direction and despair - as part of the human journey. We see we are cracked and remember it is through the cracks the light enters. Slowly we begin letting go of the painful story of our lives and start seeing our lives through new compassionate eyes. We begin to find acceptance for who we are and our lives as they are now. As the sticky tendrils of self-doubt, self-abasement and old hurts slowly but surely lessen we begin to feel better about our lives and who we are. Our dreams resurface. From deep within we hear our truths whispered, more and more. So Bruce, you asked me where to start. Start by reaching out for help. Paradoxically, also begin within – taking a compassionate seat with yourself every day. Observe your thinking – just letting thoughts go – breathing in and breathing out Take small steps: list all you love to do, allow yourself to dream, draw pictures or make collages of work you’d love to do, go explore your every interest, talk to experts in those fields, volunteer, job shadow… How do you want your life to look seven years from now? Risk to live your life fully. Expect small miracles to appear in your life. The more we delight in, and look for, the small wonders sent our way - the more we see them. And even in the blackness of the darkest hour we all need to remember to hold steady... to keep the faith. Remember, we are seeing but one dark thread within the resplendent tapestry of our lives. Warmest regards, Teresa
I sat up late last night and read your website “from cover to cover”! I think Louise Hay had better move over..!! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and particularly noted your wonderful candor. This makes your teachings all the more believable. I will pass your website address on to some people that I know would benefit from your teachings. I would like to try some coaching with you as I am really desiring to find my “Lifework” but am experiencing some frustration in defining what that is. I feel that I am poised to make some big changes but can’t quite “see” my way through to them at this time. I’d appreciate your advice on getting a roadmap charted…or at least a good starting point. Monica
Hi Monica; I just went back and reread some of our communications to give us a starting point. You mentioned, "I am really desiring to find my “Lifework” but am experiencing some frustration in defining what that is. I feel that I am poised to make some big changes but can’t quite “see” my way through to them at this time. I’d appreciate your advice on getting a roadmap charted…or at least a good starting point." To begin Monica, I would recommend that you spend five or ten minutes once during the day, and again just before bed, laying flat on your back on the floor (on a rug or towel) following your breathing. Yes, really, the floor is best. Breathing in and breathing out. This might seem like a strange starting point for charting your road-map however, I know from our previous meeting how very full and busy your life is. When was the last time you really had any time for yourself to ponder - to pause - to allow answers to bubble up from inside? Once you feel yourself letting go and relaxing while laying on the floor, ask yourself, "What is my lifework? What would you have me do with this life?" Then, just return to breathing in and breathing out. Let go of expectations. Do this just before bed-time and ask yourself similar questions just before sleep. And most importantly, just trust. First thing each morning, upon arising, before your girls wake up (!) ask yourself "What is my lifework?" Take five to ten minutes (or more) to write anything that comes to mind. Allow your writing to just free-flow with no censorship (even if it doesn't seem to make sense, or answering "the" question, or appears trivial, etc.) Whatever you write is perfect. Trust. Practice the ten-breath countdown which I recommend in yourlifework...counting down from ten on each successive out breath - frequently. As thoughts arrive, just come back to your breathing, letting go of all thoughts. You can practice this ten-breath, breathing exercise anywhere, anytime you think of it. (This breathing exercise is a wonderful meditation at "red lights".) To summarize: A. Two flat-on-your-back-breathing exercises a day; one before bed asking, "What is my lifework? What would you have me do with this life?" B. Free-flow writing five to ten minutes each morning upon arising after asking, "What is my lifework? What would you have me do with this life?" C. Practice ten-breath countdowns anywhere, anytime you think of it. D. Trust. Warm regards, Teresa Time for a brief commercial: Yourlifework Newletter Is our monthly newsletter offering refreshingly different way of approaching your career and lifework challenges. Reminding you to listen to your inner guidance; tips on how you can navigate your career and lifework challenges with more acceptance and peace…Fill out the form and Sign up today.
I have been struggling ever since I graduated from high school in 1996 with "What career is right for me?" I have no idea what really drives me other than shopping and design...but I do not feel confident to be a graphic designer or fashion designer. I just like to decorate my house and make things on the computer. What careers do you find in that area? I have a college degree in the Arts only because I had no idea what to major in. Currently, I run a home daycare and am not happy at all with it. I am not able to go back to school and get a graphic design degree or anything like that so I feel like I am on a dead end road. My family thinks that I should stay in this little town and teach because it is the "safe" thing to do when you are married with two babies! However, there are NO opportunities here and I feel like if my husband and I move it will open up a lot more doors for both of us. But, what if you take this huge leap of faith and you fail? Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth; Thank you for your input. It is plain to see you feel trapped and unfulfilled. Perhaps a move would be good for both you and your husband; however it makes sense to first explore all possible options where you are now and also, where you might like to move to. Taking a leap of faith without first doing any ground work can be disastrous. It makes sense to try to come to terms with your unhappiness where you are now for as the adage goes: “Where ever you go, there you are.” What I am saying is I suspect your unhappiness will follow you unless you can do your utmost to come to some peace with where you are now. This does not mean idle passivity. This means taking responsibility for your unhappiness and unfulfillment and taking small steps of exploration (all with great kindness toward you!). For starters I might recommend reading (or re-reading) “Acceptance Now,” “Build Self Confidence,” and “Any Job is an Honourable Job” on our website yourlifework.com. I would also recommend you seek outside support and help. Who in your community (or nearby larger community, or do research on the internet) works doing interior design or graphic designs? Become very curious and bold and ask people for ideas and help. Can you job shadow or volunteer a little time to see if you’d really like it? You may not be confident enough now to do interior design or graphic arts but perhaps with a short term course you may be. You say you can’t go for a degree now but why not a shorter term course? How important is your happiness to you? What else can you do? Where else can you start to research your career ideas? Who else can you talk to? Seek out employment agencies, free counselors or “work search” centers in your community where you can drop in and ask questions and seek support. Don’t give up. Take steps however seemingly hopeless or small. Small steps begin great journeys. Through these steps you will build confidence and belief in yourself and your dreams. You will be more able to make a good decision for yourself and your family. You are still young. Don’t wait another ten years and then live in regret for what you did not do… as I see so many people doing and suffering. “Whatever you can do, or dream you can - begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe All the best, Teresa
What experience “should” I go for next? Hello Teresa, In looking at my past experience, I often used to think that I had done a lot of different things leading to some bigger, future project. Some kind of higher story was being written. I could see the thread. I used to feel that I was on some kind of trajectory. However, the trajectory fell flat a few years ago. Everything collapsed.I have long since given up looking for any meaning or purpose. I should also add that all of my various jobs, although interesting at the time, have also been financial disasters, and I do not really have any “residual satisfaction”. Here then is what I would like to ask of you. Would you please look at my resume and without seeing my face, the clothes I wear, or hearing my voice, say what Brand Image does this résumé (my experience) present of me? 2. What thread do you see? 3. As a continuation of that thread, what experience “should” I go for next that when added to everything else would really make a nice package? 4. And finally, if this guy (me) needs a Lucky Break, what Lucky Break should he be praying for? George
Hello George; Thank you for your interest in a coaching session with me. First off, I want you to know I cannot presume to know your – or anyone’s "brand image, connecting thread or ‘lucky break’ prayer." However, I will pass along a few impressions I received from your communications and you can take what you like and discard the rest. I intend only the very best for you within this communication. 1. Having said that, after reading your resume it seemed to me you are a very cerebral, intellectual sort of man with impressive skills, interests and experience. With all of this at your command you could literally write your own story and be/do anything you set your heart on. Yet, although your resume suggests - here is a professional who can write their own ticket - your preamble begs a different look. Within the preamble you said... "I often used to think that I had done a lot of different things leading to some bigger, future project. Some kind of higher story was being written. I could see the thread. Some kind of higher story was being written. I could see the thread.I used to feel that I was on some kind of trajectory…that fell flat a few years ago. Everything collapsed. I have long since given up looking for any meaning or purpose. I should also add that all of my various jobs, although interesting at the time, have also been financial disasters, and I do not really have any “residual satisfaction”. 2. The thread, that perhaps needs to be followed, seems to me to be more in the preamble than in the resume. I suspect that whatever it was that caused your world to collapse - to the point you have long since given up looking for any meaning or purpose - may also have contributed to the financial disasters and lack of satisfaction. The collapse sounded like a very deep hurt that may have been echoing from your past. (I say this as I recall how losing my two businesses, my marriage and $100,000. was - in hindsight - rooted in a very deep, old hurt.) 3. As to what experience you could go for next "that when added to everything else would really make a nice package" I would suggest reaching out to someone you really trust and sharing your story about the collapse and ensuing lack of meaning. If you have not done so already, I would recommend spending time writing about that collapse and how you felt (forgive me if these seems redundant). It is also helpful spending time asking ourselves “Why am I here? What is my path, my Lifework? What do I really enjoy doing?” It does not matter whether we get an answer or not. It is the inquiry itself that works on us. 4. Perhaps, you already do so but if not, try spending quiet time each day, just sitting, or laying on the floor; breathing in and breathing out; and letting the thoughts go, letting it all go. Practice listening in this place. Listen like you are listening for the voice of God. If your mind carries you away just come back to breathing, letting go, listening. Herein, you will know what to pray for, or if it does not come to you, ask for help in knowing what to pray for. Pray for healing, pray for meaning, pray in gratitude for all that life has given you. What counts is our earnestness more than the right prayer. Be open to answers that will likely show up in unexpected ways. 5. Lastly, check into http://www.whatthebleep.com, click on the “water crystals” and from there to Dr. Emoto’s site as well. I find the correlation between our thinking and our lives interesting. We found the movie to be an excellent reminder as to our role here participating in this great Mystery called life. In closing your email to me, you said that your number one question was what “Brand Image” does your resume present of you. This struck me as an odd concern coming from a person as accomplished as your resume suggests. The question seems to me to be more one of “How do you want to present yourself to the world? How and where do you see yourself?” With your life experience and accomplishments you can go out into the world and declare yourself in whatever area you truly enjoy the most. Of course, as with most people I work with, the rub comes in believing this to be true. So back to steps 3, 4, and 5. Being kind to ourselves and trusting in the Master weaving this magnificent tapestry of which we are a part. So George, these are my humble and well-intentioned thoughts to you. In closing, once again, be kind to yourself, believe in yourself and your genius. Listen very carefully to what you enjoy and follow that thread! Best regards, Teresa
I have been looking for jobs for almost 2 years. Hi Teresa: Actually I am a Chinese-Canadian who lives in Montreal and am looking for jobs for almost 2 years. I would like your help if I were financially secure. I echo your philosophy towards life and thank God for encountering you in my path of struggling for job-search. I will keep an eye to your Updates closely.
Autumn is coming ... Leaves start falling, Feeling chilly Take care, Faith Hi Faith; What a beautiful name! Thank you for your kind words - they are much appreciated. You said you would like to talk with me if you were financially secure. I'm going to suggest a few little tips you may find useful now, Faith. Let me know. Hold the faith, Faith! Keep believing in yourself! If you have been listening to speakers on career transition, no doubt you know the value of volunteering (although it doesn't pay the bills - I have seen many people find employment this way - after time.) Keep talking to people - be bold, bodacious and beautiful. How? Smile. Do what you can to help others. Keep reaching out. What training, skills and interests do you have and love to do? Let everyone you know and meet, what you have to offer. Always ask people if they could use someone like you or know of anyone else who might find your skill area of value. People love to help people. Trust. Warmest regards, Teresa
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