When Inner Guidance and Vision Is Blurred

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When Inner Guidance and Vision Is Blurred

by Anne
(Canada)

I would firstly like to thank you, Teresa, for your newsletter and the inspiration you give. I am so grateful for it.

In your website you wrote that you have always sensed God in your life, even as a young girl, although your family was not religious. I too have always 'sensed' God in my life.

I also recently read your back issue from February 28, 2009 about finding depth and sacredness in everyday life. You talked about your loss of job, business, home, and money. I also share this loss in the past year.

I know that God has always been in my life. I know he has always been there for me. I have never doubted him, never felt he has not been with me.

But I am finding that through this period of loss and grief, I have found myself questioning my own belief and thus my inner guidance and my vision is blurred. And this upsets me the most.

One day, recently, I went to our church and spent some time in the chapel alone. One on one time I called it. I kept thinking, I know you're there God, please show me you're there...

Well, there were no big appearances, and I had no revelations, and in fact I wasn't even sure that I felt his presence. After a few hours I left feeling no better, perhaps even feeling worse; guilty to be exact, because who am I to go there and ask God to prove himself to me?

Though I think he is there with me, he just didn't show himself for a reason that I haven't figured out yet. I know that I want and need him with me, but how do I work through this time of question? I can't imagine the world without God; my life without God.

If we've forgotten our calling, or perhaps have not found it yet, when we search for depth and sacredness in our life, how do we help ourselves regain or find that clarity? Have you ever felt this way?

Kindest regards,
Anne

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When Inner Guidance and Vision Is Blurred

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Apr 10, 2010
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A Working Hypothesis
by: Dennis Fahey

I just read your post, Anne, so forgive me for being so tardy in commenting. First of all, I survived a major "train wreck" in my life that began in about '96 and culminated in divorce, deep depression, loss of home and unemployment in 2000. At that point I thought that the rest of my life would be spent in loneliness, poverty and misery.

My path since then hasn't been smooth or straight but it has definitely--as Teresa has said--turned back into the light. Now I have a loving wife and kids and a good-paying job I enjoy. You may be surprises, as I was, by the unexpected turns your path will take over the next few years.

I've spent a lot of time wrestling with questions not terribly different from yours and have arrived at some--not conclusions, really, maybe more like "working hypotheses." One that I'd like to share is that life might be seen as an opportunity to work free of our fears. Rather than ask a god to protect us, perhaps our challenge is to become more god-like...strong, fearless, needing nothing, feeling compassion toward all beings.

I think my troubles helped me more than hurt me in terms of this challenge and I hope the same will prove true for you.

Mar 02, 2010
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Trust: The Light is Closer than You Know
by: Teresa

Dear Anne;
Thank you for your heartfelt words. Yes. I too, have felt alone, separate from my God, burdened and despairing with my faith seemingly corroded by questions and doubts. At times all we can do in these moments is to go on, moment by moment, breath by breath clinging to a tenuous thread of trust. Trust that somehow, someway, the light WILL return.

In these dark times faith, trust and connection to our true self - that essence of God-ness within us all - is strengthened although this may not seem so at the time. When all is well in our world we are not called to reach deeply for faith and trust. It is within the dark hours of doubt and loneliness we are called to trust that a deeper purpose is unfolding within a timing out of our control.

I make no claim to be a spiritual advisor with the answers but I can tell you from my own experience a few things that helped me work through a time of questioning and loss.

For me, it was important not to push myself during this time to DO something to try to feel good, feel worthy, or to hide from the bitter loss, of what seemed like, God and my self. I had to make an effort to nurture myself in that dark time of my life. For instance I spent much time:

* journal writing my hurt, loss, feelings;
* taking myself out to nature, walking, swimming;
* paying attention to my dreams;
* sharing with a beloved friend;
* not allowing myself to mire into negative thinking. (I would do my best to just let go, surrender, following each breath in, and out, over and over.)
* being ever so gentle with myself when I felt lost and alone (rather than allowing the big stick to guilt me). For instance you mentioned leaving the church feeling guilty for having asked God to prove himself to you. It is OK. No guilt. No shame.

You asked, "Who are you to ask God for proof." You are a child of God. God knows our every thought and feeling. You are not bad or wrong or guilty in any communication with God or indeed, in questioning God's existence. God knows and accepts and loves you unconditionally. No matter what. Be gentle with your self in this time.

Try to be Ok with not knowing. We really don't know the 'why's' of life. So very much we really do not know. Being Ok with not having the answers or understanding frees us from the bondage of 'Why'?

And for me, God is often not big revelations but subtle shifts in energy or in a perception. Suddenly, we see something a little differently, from a bigger view, or perhaps a lighter outlook. We feel a bit lighter.

And lastly, dear Anne, your reaching out will in some measure help to bear the burden of your grief and separation. Know you are not alone. What you suffer is part of the human condition. Trust that as surely as the sun follows the night - the Light will return - and indeed, is nearer than you know.

Blessings to you, Teresa

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Mar 02, 2010
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Submitted by: Teresa

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<font color="#330099">Dear Anne; Thank you for your heartfelt words. Yes. I too, have felt alone, separate from my God, burdened and despairing with my faith seemingly corroded by questions and doubts. At times all we can do in these moments is to go on, moment by moment, breath by breath clinging to a tenuous thread of trust. Trust that somehow, someway, the light WILL return. In these dark times faith, trust and connection to our true self - that essence of God-ness within us all - is strengthened although this may not seem so at the time. When all is well in our world we are not called to reach deeply for faith and trust. It is within the dark hours of doubt and loneliness we are called to trust that a deeper purpose is unfolding within a timing out of our control. I make no claim to be a spiritual advisor with the answers but I can tell you from my own experience a few things that helped me work through a time of questioning and loss. For me, it was important not to push myself during this time to DO something to try to feel good, feel worthy, or to hide from the bitter loss, of what seemed like, God and my self. I had to make an effort to nurture myself in that dark time of my life. For instance I spent much time: * journal writing my hurt, loss, feelings; * taking myself out to nature, walking, swimming; * paying attention to my dreams; * sharing with a beloved friend; * not allowing myself to mire into negative thinking. (I would do my best to just let go, surrender, following each breath in, and out, over and over.) * being ever so gentle with myself when I felt lost and alone (rather than allowing the big stick to guilt me). For instance you mentioned leaving the church feeling guilty for having asked God to prove himself to you. It is OK. No guilt. No shame. You asked, "Who are you to ask God for proof." You are a child of God. God knows our every thought and feeling. You are not bad or wrong or guilty in any communication with God or indeed, in questioning God's existence. God knows and accepts and loves you unconditionally. No matter what. Be gentle with your self in this time. Try to be Ok with not knowing. We really don't know the 'why's' of life. So very much we really do not know. Being Ok with not having the answers or understanding frees us from the bondage of 'Why'? And for me, God is often not big revelations but subtle shifts in energy or in a perception. Suddenly, we see something a little differently, from a bigger view, or perhaps a lighter outlook. We feel a bit lighter. And lastly, dear Anne, your reaching out will in some measure help to bear the burden of your grief and separation. Know you are not alone. What you suffer is part of the human condition. Trust that as surely as the sun follows the night - the Light will return - and indeed, is nearer than you know. Blessings to you, Teresa

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When Inner Guidance and Vision Is Blurred

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When Inner Guidance and Vision Is Blurred