Your Lifework in Leadership

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Two Leadership Strategies:
Don't Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach By Teresa Proudlove Are you feeling overwhelmed, lacking confidence or trying too hard? You may have “lost your mind!” Read on to learn how to let go of trying to meet other's expectations, trust yourself and be a coach.

Leadership Skills:
Four Ways of Overcoming Perfectionism By Teresa Proudlove We can become better leaders and human beings and release ourselves from the bondage of perfectionism by practicing these few ideas.

Leading from the Middle From Megatrends 2010 By Patricia Aburdene Here are "radical tools and change principles" we can all embody in our lifework and make the world a better place.
(This article is reprinted by permission from Patricia Aburdene and may not be reprinted from this site. Please contact the author for reprint authorization.)

Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton of pressure? Are you trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to fulfill other people’s needs and expectations? You may have “lost your mind!”

My small still voice often speaks to me in cryptic one-liners. I’ll never forget the first time I heard the quiet whisper, “You’ve lost your mind.” And no, I had not lost my mind through hearing strange voices! Rather, this cryptic one-liner was reminding me I was trying too hard to fulfill other people’s expectations and solve their problems.

This cryptic statement harkened back to an article I had read by Management Consultant, Barry Oshry. This article referred to Middle Managers who begin their careers as healthy humans but in time become confused, weak, powerless and self-doubting as they slide into the ‘Middle Space’ becoming torn between demands from the people Above and Below… hence “losing their mind.”

At that time I had taken on a new contract to facilitate a six week “Leadership” series for a local college. In my anxiety to do a good job I was trying too hard to emulate the program designer’s “superior knowledge” and trying hopelessly to solve the high-stress, workplace problems of the managers who were my participants. Of course, I knew I had the necessary skills and experience to facilitate this series yet, I had “lost my mind.”

Focusing on other’s needs and expectations removed me from my own knowledge and power. My stress elevated and my self-confidence plummeted. Thankfully, that gentle nudge of “you’ve lost your mind” helped me see how I was eroding myself through comparing myself and worrying about what other people thought, wanted or needed. This is our cue to stop, step back inside and reconnect with our own truth – our own God.

In doing this we step back into our own authenticity and own power. Here we can reformulate our own view, thoughts and perspectives on what is happening and what we need. We can let go of the guilt and self-doubt we feel in trying to meet other’s expectations or in trying to solve their problems. We can relax and trust in our Higher Power always there for us.

Certainly, as leaders, managers, family members and humans we have a responsibility to listen and empathize with those in our close circle but it is not our job to solve their problems or fulfill their expectations… which is all a part of the coaching process. Rather than striving to give other people answers, everyone concerned is better served if we instead help others to reflect on their own solutions or options. This is what it means to be a coach.

We can let people know we care about their situation and that we are willing to work with them to empower them to solve their own problem. We can listen, empathize and ask pertinent questions all of which encapsulates the art of coaching. After carefully listening to and empathizing with another’s problem you might consider asking some of the following questions if they seem appropriate:

“Have you ever had a similar situation in your life and found something that worked? What options do you have in this circumstance? That’s one possibility, any others? What outcome do you want? What really matters here? Would it help to break this into smaller steps? What do you need to change or to move this forward? What is standing in the way? What other people or resources could help you? What steps can you take from here? What will you do and by when? Would you like me to hold you accountable for your commitments?”

Be careful not to turn coaching into a probing session! Always be respectful and gentle with others and of course, yourself. Remember if you are feeling overwhelmed, lacking confidence or you are trying too hard you may have “lost your mind.” Let go of comparing and trying to meet others expectations and needs. Trust yourself and be a coach!

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We pay a high price for perfectionism. “What perfectionism?” we perfectionists mutter. “We’ve known for years perfectionism is not healthy so we have dealt with this issue and strive for personal excellence only!” Really?

When you slip-up - maybe handle a situation, task or project less than perfectly – what do you say to yourself? Are you able to commend yourself on what you did well and perhaps then, note a thing or two you could improve upon? Or do you focus on the mistake or less-than-perfect behavior neglecting your positive efforts?

Recently I completed facilitating six evening “Leadership” sessions. Being only my second time facilitating this particular series I closely observed my “perfectionistic” tendency. As I completed each session I could readily see areas I could have improved upon.

Commend Yourself! Gently Observe Improvements!

For me, it took a huge effort to commend myself on what I had done well and to be gentle with myself on the areas of improvement. In fact, I made a pointed effort of congratulating myself after each session and allowed myself the joy and relief of savoring a job well done when the series of six was completed. This is not a simple, natural process for us perfectionists.

To further this exercise in self-acknowledgement I did not read my participant’s evaluations at the program end as usual. This was perhaps a first in my fourteen years of facilitating. Too often, I have rushed to read the evaluations to determine my success.

Eventually I will receive a summary of the evaluations from the College I was contracted to but more importantly, I have deepened my self esteem and self worth through rewarding, congratulating and commending myself despite what others may think. To be a strong leader and healthy human being let us begin now acknowledging our achievements rather than devaluing our worth and work.

Herein, we begin to wean ourselves from being reliant on outside influences to determine our worth or how well we have done. We begin to befriend ourselves and give the internal “Judge” less power over us.

Not only are we robbed of the enjoyment of our efforts by focusing on what went wrong and neglecting to commend ourselves but also, by rushing into worry over the next thing we have to do. When caught in this repetitive ritual of “not good enough… do better… do more…” I have found this simple phrase very freeing…

Not Perfect but Well Enough!

Feel the relief and comfort of this phrase, “not perfect but well enough!” Yes! Thank You God! “Thank You God” is another simple phrase that can help relieve us of the burden of perfectionism. Not only have I been working on giving myself credit but also on thanking God for His/Her part in my success. I know I must constantly turn to my God, my Source, my Higher Power – call it what you will – for guidance in all I do.

In the perfectionist’s mind it is all up to ME to do everything so very, very well but of course - never quite measuring up. The more I trust that God is working in me and through me the more I can lay down the heavy burden of perfectionism. It is not all up to ME. My job is to “do my best and give God the rest.”

Do My Best and Give God the Rest

Even in the midst of our fear, doubt and inadequacy we can comfort and encourage ourselves by knowing it is not all up to us. We can trust God is also at work and all is unfolding according to a Grand Design far greater than our understanding. As an Alcoholics Anonymous slogan so simply says “Let go and let God.”

We can become better leaders and human beings and release ourselves from the bondage of perfectionism by practicing these few ideas.

1. Commend yourself on a job well done.
2. Be gentle observing your areas of improvement.
3. Remember: “Not perfect but well enough!
4. Do your best and give God the rest.

What a relief to give up responsibility for doing everything AND doing it perfectly!

Welcome to our "Free Quality Articles" that you may use as content on your site.

If you would like to reprint any of these articles or parts thereof, please do so. We simply request that you state the article title; credit the author, Teresa Proudlove; include her brief bio and attach a hot-link to www.yourlifework.com.

Teresa's Bio Teresa Proudlove; storyteller, coach, internationally published writer and entrepreneur helps people remember their authentic Self and gifts. Living her passion, Teresa has lead thousands of people through her “Livelihood” workshops. With wisdom and heart Teresa inspires people to create the life and work they love.

Also, although not a necessity, we would appreciate you sending us the link of where the article is to appear as a courtesy (and we may reciprocate and put your link on our site.)

From Megatrends 2010 By Patricia Aburdene Here are "radical tools and change principles" we can all embody in our lifework and make the world a better place. (This article is reprinted by permission from Patricia Aburdene and may not be reprinted from this site. Please contact the author for reprint authorization.)

Profiles in Commitment: Grassroots Leadership

January 2003. I’m in Santa Fe, New Mexico, keynoting the Business and Consciousness Conference and there is someone here I’m just dying to meet. I stand by the elevator. No name tags yet. We register tomorrow. A woman strolls up. She looks nothing like her photo. But I sense it must be her.

“Barbara?” I venture. “Barbara Waugh?” She gathers me in a big hug.

Barbara Waugh, a 20-year veteran of tech giant Hewlett-Packard, is a legendary corporate change agent. She sets the benchmark in grassroots activism, in part because Barb’s pre-HP career in civil rights, the peace and women’s movements and street theater—not to mention a one-night stand as Angela Davis’s bodyguard—built up a fine arsenal of tools for spiritual leaders.

And Barbara has taken every one of them inside Corporate America.

“I am Hewlett-Packard employee #210834. I can’t believe it. I’m inside.” On the first page of Barbara’s book Soul in the Computer (Inner Ocean, 2001), you know you’re in for a good, fast-paced read. Barb is partial to the present tense and to vivid, sparse prose. “Christopher Shockey of HP, who is six-feet, seven-inches tall and who just cut off his pony tail, is an organic farmer.”

Barbara advocates what she calls “radical tools and change principles.” I’ve put some of her best precepts to work as this section’s subheads.

Amplify Positive Deviance

Barbara is a woman of emotion and fight and not a drop of arrogance. The result? People bond with her almost immediately. They drop by her cubicle, share their deep dark secrets, break down in tears—then sign up for, as Barb puts it, her latest “cockamamie” scheme.

When HP scraps benefits for domestic partners, an outraged Barbara collects stories from HP’s gays, lesbians and their straight friends, and weaves their powerful words into a “Readers Theater”—complete with a Greek chorus chanting the names of the trailblazing corporations who already offer domestic-partner benefits. So successful is Barb’s corporate drama, the actors “play” the CEO’s office and on down the chain of command. And what a run: 60 performances in six months.

Oh yes—and HP’s domestic partners do win their benefits.

Tap the Strength of Your Relationships

Barbara coaches “quiet leaders” like Tan—the brilliant engineer and former Vietnamese boat person who’s trying to help the orphanage back home, except his money keeps getting ripped off along the way—to take more risks. Like approaching his boss, Stan, and asking him to fund Tan’s work to dream up high-tech tools for safe money transfers to developing countries.

Tan and Stan do lunch at a certain noodle shop (that’s a sweet part of the story) and Stan agrees to fund 10 percent of Tan’s time.

Make Impossible Requests

Actually, Barb does not list “make impossible requests” as a radical tool, but that doesn’t stop her from doing it. Fully expecting to be shot down, she asks the “bigwigs”: Why are HP’s strategic off-site (versus in-house) meetings just for top execs? To her surprise, they reply, in effect, good point. If the security issues can be worked out, they tell Barbara, the next off-site will be broadcast on the Web and anyone at HP Labs can participate.

Lots of people do and the culture of HP Labs starts “a-changin’.”

Back in Santa Fe, Barb and I wander through the Plaza to Pasquale’s, Santa Fe’s finest funky restaurant. We order piles of gorgeous food, sharing all of it. We chat about life and family—Barbara and her life partner, Anastasia Cusulos, have adopted two African-American children. I happily discover Barbara the Activist is not above girl talk. She admires my purple velvet cape; I am crazy about her colorful, primitive necklace.

Strolling back to the hotel, she confides the story of her dear friend—the activist Lahe’ena’e Gay—who was murdered in Colombia while helping the Uw’a people build schools. The next day, at the workshop Barbara is about to give, she asks me to sit beside her. “I need your strength,” she whispers.

My strength?

After all Barbara has endured and accomplished, it is clear to me who the "strong” one is, but at this moment it is the gentleness of Barbara’s request that touches me most.

Turn Enemies into Allies

I’m delighted when Barb tells tales on herself. Like breaking her own sacred rule against stereotypes. Someone suggests she enlist the help of a coworker, Rolf, a musician. “I groan inwardly. Rolf is a physicist at HP Labs and I have consigned Rolf to my nerd bucket: very bright, distant, sarcastic, cynical and unavailable for anything I’d ever think of.”

Still, she asks for Rolf’s help. He refuses, but offers a tape of his music, which Barb pops into the car stereo on the way home. It is so beautiful, she says, “I almost drive off the road.” Rolf and Barbara bond and he becomes one of her co-conspirators.

Reframe the Context of What You’re Doing

After a few years, Barbara is really cooking. She designs a conference to round up HP’s in-house “sustainability advocates.” In isolation, these environmentalists are impotent, she says, just tokens. En masse, they’re a minority to be reckoned with. Trouble is, once the conclave gets organized, an order comes down from on high: all conferences are canceled. . . .

Except customer visits. Fortunately Barb’s keynote speaker is a VP from treasured client 3M. Whew!

So Barbara “reframes” the get-together as a customer visit and nobody objects. Result: 150 people from all over the globe meet for three days and a potent “minority” goes home inspired that their cause is vital to HP’s making a difference in the world.

Remember Whom You Work For

Barbara says her mission is supporting people to “make their dreams come true.” Senior scientist Sid Liebes, who’s just shy of retirement, has, for 27 years, dreamed of creating what he calls a “One Mile Walk through Time,” depicting the evolution of human life—including today’s clear and present danger to the environment.

Barbara finds money to fund the initial costs and soon 100 employees, drawing on HP’s state-of-the art printing tech, churn out 3-by-5-foot posters. But now “corporate” is freaking out. Hey, what are you doing? they protest.HP hasn’t even taken an official position on the environment yet.

Barbara is devastated. How could such a fantastic project fail? She collapses in bed at the end of a long, frustrating day and turns to God. “You figure out how to handle this,” she implores and mercifully falls asleep. Remember Whom You Work For. At 4 A.M., she jumps up with a solution.

“This isn’t a content statement,” she announces the next day at work. “The Walk through Time is the context in which we should ask our greatest business questions.” Corporate backs off. Sid’s project is a smash success.

Be the Change You Want to See

I see Barbara as a commanding leader, but Barb the character in her own book is touchingly human—at times, nervous, self-deprecating, tearful, bold, funny—and always blown away by the commitment of coworkers she initially dismisses. Time and time again, nerdy guys and vanilla company women prove to be her greatest allies. Why do they come out of the spiritual closet at work? Because Barbara embodies the Love that supports them to speak their truth.

That is exactly what you and I are going to do.

Grassroots Leadership: An Invitation

I’ve set out for you where CEOs took a wrong turn, lost our respect and destroyed their stature. You’ve discovered the new management trend put forth by pioneering academics from Harvard and Stanford. And you’ve met Barbara Waugh, one of the world’s most inspiring corporate activists.

Now it’s time to introduce you to the greatest corporate leader you’ll ever meet. Your one true soulmate in the daunting quest to transform capitalism: the leader within you.

This book chronicles the megatrends that set the stage for that metamorphosis, but without managers like you, capitalism may never become fully consciousness. The question is will you join the crusade?

There have been several major social drives since the 1950s. Civil rights, the peace, women’s and environmental movements. Each has earned the right to claim great success. So will the drive for Conscious Capitalism.

BE: Come from a Deeper Place

I hope we who align ourselves with Spirit are strong enough to drop the familiar “us against them” attack mode. Instead of playing the blame game, Spirit invites us to BE the change we want to see happen. To embody the value we cherish most, be it Justice, Compassion or Truth.

But don’t stop there.

Take the next step. Shift from Being into Doing. Launch your initiative. This is business, not the monastery. Execute. Make Larry Bossidy proud. Just remember, so long as you are coming from the realm of Being, you will not perpetuate “business as usual.” Whatever you do, it carries transformative power, because it comes from your Being and is nurtured by the values you hold dear.

Personify the value that inspires you. Initiate the actions that express your truth. And you’ll create the success that’s emblematic of your soul.

DO: An Options Menu

What can you do? How do you get started? Your next brainstorm might be entrepreneurial, inspirational, managerial, spiritual or educational:

• Start a corporate meditation class.
• Install a hot line for ethical violations.
• Institute a moment of silence in meetings.
• Remind everyone about the company’s stated values and mission.
• Launch a corporate book club—starting with books cited in this chapter.
• Speak out at a meeting.
• Grant an award.
• Sponsor an event.
• Host a journaling workshop.
• Bring in an inspiring speaker.
• Tell a story.
• Reward a colleague.
• Humanize a robotic process.
• Cut costs, not service.

Sacred Space

We live in a time of economic crisis and great spiritual opportunity. This is the moment you and I have been waiting for.

Because of the trends described throughout this book, business has reached a critical inflection point. The system is now more open to creative input, that is, to the medicine grassroots leaders offer: Values and Consciousness. It is time to flood business with these precious, intangible energies.

How? I hope the options list above gets you started, but it is hardly exhaustive.

We will come up with a billion ways to tweak the system, inspire our colleagues and touch the place in them that only gets off on service and contribution.

But if that cynical voice inside you calls my options menu “superficial window dressing that doesn’t change anything,” go ahead and thank it for sharing. It’s right in a way. That’s how it has been. You have to give it that.

But so what?

Do it anyway. Because your actions arise from a more authentic place— from the patient, quiet depths of leadership that Meyerson, Badaracco and Heifetz speak of. You are in it for the long haul.

How again do we flood the system with fresh consciousness?

I remember the early days of the women’s movement, when five, seven or ten women came together to “raise consciousness.” But when you broke it down, we really showed up at the local women’s group for two simple reasons:

(1) To speak our truth and (2) to bear witness to the truth of another. That second step was critical. In bearing witness, we validated each other. We coached each other to feel the truth of our power. What if thousands of managers today were to convene “circles of consciousness,” informal but regular gatherings, perhaps a coffee or a brown bag, to talk about consciousness and values in business?

These get-togethers might begin with four simple questions:

1. What are my values?
2. What are the values of this company or department?
3. Where are we true to those values?
4. Where are we false?

Or, if you prefer, have no agenda at all. Just speak from your heart and allow a topic to emerge. That is exactly what the group you’ll meet next does. The result is Sacred Space, which invokes Spirit to create a place where Truth is spoken and heard.


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